


My Life Is In Your Hands

by Orpheus_jpg



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, jukyu - Freeform, the boyz - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:07:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27998748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orpheus_jpg/pseuds/Orpheus_jpg
Summary: A little band-aid is perhaps the beginning of most things.Two lost boys, who felt like they were floating in nothingness with all the breaths they took, were unaware that one day their lives would change from the beginning to the end with this tiny coincidence they called a miracle in their life.--You can also find this story on Wattpad too!
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Sunwoo, Ji Changmin | Q & Lee Juyeon, Ji Changmin | Q/Lee Juyeon, JuKyu, Sunnew - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	1. -ˏˋ1ˊˎ-

_"Don’t you dare look at my face again, you disgraceful shit!"_

_"You deserve to drown in your own blood…"_

_"Stop hurting him…"_

_"Juyeon…"_

His breath turned into steam under a pinch of light filtering in as the icy hands of the air roamed around his aestuous body. Standing in front of his house, in the middle of the night with his arms wrapped around himself, Juyeon was doing nothing but lifting his head slowly in the air, releasing the air he held in his lungs. The walls of his huge house, where he lived like a tiny dot, became narrow to him, and he let himself out as usual, with the hoarse feeling he felt in his veins. All the memories he didn't want to remember, so many screams that he prayed every night to forget about, filled in his mind, tumbling his hand to his throat.

"It was just a nightmare. There is nothing to be worried about," he murmured unknowingly as he gently pressed his nails against his throat and closed his eyes slowly. Juyeon had been unable to do anything in the name of sleep for almost years, with the corrupted thoughts that came to him every time he closed his eyes. 

Deeply sighing and shaking his head left to right, Juyeon slowly reopened his eyes to the empty street. He was standing almost alone on the damp asphalt with only the company of yellowed leaves on the ground and the sound of birds in the darkness. 

"Come on… Let's get inside.'' He repeated these words for a while, looking at the puddle at his feet, making his face grimace as he saw his expression in the reflection, reminding himself that he should return to his home. The cold claw of weather kept hitting his body with each step toward his home. A night that Juyeon remembers, the day his life completely, irrevocably changed: his father’s malicious shouts, his mother’s miserable begs, and his brother’s silent, yet noticeable crying. 

"Fuck…" As his headache hit his eyes, he continued to move towards the door of his house while massaging his temples, making his situation even more intolerable. He finally managed to enter the place he called home unwillingly. For him, a place like home should give a warm, cozy feeling to one's heart and soul. But rather than this suffocating feeling, he feels pure uneasiness to his core. Rather than breathing, he suffocates. 

After closing the door and standing quietly under the moonlight illuminating his living room for a while, he slowly lifted his wrist and looked at his watch, sighing deeply. It was 5 a.m., and instead of sleeping at this hour, he could only sleep 2 hours despite the 5 hours left until his very important meeting. 

"I guess... Good morning." Rolling his eyes at what he said, Juyeon decided that the best thing to do was to make himself a strong coffee, and as he turned his steps to his kitchen, he could already imagine how his day would pass. A day that contains a lot of morose faces, a lot of pointless conversations, and, of course, a lot of unimportant people that won’t change anything in his life.

But at that moment, the day was just beginning for someone in an apartment among huge concrete buildings, someone that’s been studying all night long for his exams. As soon as the alarm sound filled in his ears, Changmin wrapped himself in his white duvet and turned to the other side of his bed with a grunt. Even though hearing the unbearable alarm sound on top of his headache from just a few hours of sleep almost drove him crazy, he knew that he had nothing to do but wake up. 

"Oh please… Shut up," he muttered, pushing the duvet aside and gently getting up from where he was lying. He turned off the alarm on the nightstand, then started rubbing his face as he buried it into his palms. Although each morning he opened his eyes, it seemed harder than the previous one. Today has a different feeling than other days: a feeling that refreshes Changmin to his core, and the reason is not the window he forgot to close. With the coldness coming from the window, he wrapped his arms around his thin body. He slowly got up from his bed and started looking at his room, which looked scattered from last night. The flannel that he wore yesterday was on his chair, his black jeans were hanging on the corner of his bed, and a meaningless amount of socks were lying all around on the ground.

"Wow," murmured Changmin in a soft tone, "What the hell was I doing yesterday?" After looking inside his dimly lit room for a while, gently smiling at what he said, he threw his hair back as he closed his window. He then left his room to go to another room, which was inhabited by a certain person who had to be awakened. But as soon as he left his clean smelling room, the smell of sweat and leftovers hit his face. 

"Of course," he said under his breath while rubbing his eye. "Sunwoo was here." Taking care not to step on the pizza boxes on the floor from last night, he proceeded carefully towards his friend's room. But with the sound of a lighter filling in his ear, he stopped where he was and slowly looked over on his shoulder where the sound came from. And with the smell of burning tobacco, he was sure that his friend was already awake.

"Chanhee?" 

"Someone’s calling me?" 

Chanhee giggled slightly as he leaned his shoulder against the sill of the balcony, holding a cigarette between his fingers, watching Changmin. "I’ve been awake for 2 hours." 

Surprised by what he heard from his friend, Changmin completely turned his body to Chanhee, starting to stand again as his arms wrapped around his slim body. 

"Really? Did you have a nightmare or something"

"Yeah, I saw Sunwoo’s _glorious_ face. That’s why I’m smoking at the crack of dawn right now."

"Hmm. Understandable."

While they both laughed at Changmin’s words, Chanhee slowly inhaled the smoke as he put his cigarette to his plump lips. Since he knew how uncomfortable his friend was with him smoking, he blew the smoke out. 

"Jokes aside… I want to study again. That’s why I woke up early." Changmin sighed deeply as he shook his head with pursed lips in response. Then he started to smile by putting his hand to the back of his neck. And Chanhee, seeing his friend doing this, could not control his smile. He slowly straightened up and began to look at Changmin. He was sure that his friend was about to say something meaningless, yet meaningful in his little world.

“Come on, say it," spoke Chanhee while taking another inhale from his cigarette. "I know you’re about to say something."

Although he was used to Chanhee knowing his every little habit, Changmin looked at him again with a surprised expression. Then, unable to hold back any longer, he giggled and leaned his thigh on the couch. "I have that weird feeling again, Chanhee."

As Changmin took his gaze away from him and slowly traced the ground with the tip of his foot, Chanhee gave a slight smile at what he heard and blew the smoke out. _Why am I not surprised?_ he thought to himself. _It’s Changmin after all._

"What kind of feeling? Itchiness?"

"No, you idiot! A feeling that... Tells me today is going to be a good day!"

Again, Chanhee’s smile grew deeper at what his friend had said. He took one last breath from his cigarette, blew out the smoke, and then pushed the cigarette butt against the ashtray, closing the balcony door. The only thing he could wish for was to have a one, unproblematic day, and enjoy it like his best friend.

"I hope you’re right."

"I know I am!" replied Changmin while looking at Chanhee with bright eyes. "Have I ever been wrong about my feelings?"

_No_ , thought Chanhee, _he’s always right. Always._


	2. -ˏˋ2ˊˎ-

Frowning while gnawing the back of his pen for nearly half an hour, Changmin looked at the exam paper in front of him with a puzzled expression. He then sighed deeply as he started to look around curiously. He had let his anxiety grow even more by looking at his classmates, whose faces were shaped by pure stress. Scratching his head and biting his bottom lip as a result of his anxious being, Changmin slowly released the breath out of his lungs and laid down his head back to his exam paper. Countless amounts of operations were scribbled on all the sides of his paper, showing how much he studied all night long, just to get a decent grade. 

"5 minutes left everyone. Don’t forget to check your answers," said the professor harshly as she wandered among her students with her hands behind her. 

Even though the professor didn't hear him whisper "fuck" at that moment, Changmin wouldn't be able to get rid of his swearing for a long time. Because, although he was someone who rarely swore, this swearing showed how he wasted his time studying for the whole week. After all the coffees he drank and all the alarms he set up for this one hour, he understood once again how much in vain he actually studied only for four questions that he could solve. 

He hurriedly raised his paper and frowned, making a relentless effort to revise his answers once more. His professor suddenly picked up the paper. Changmin opened his eyes widely, and he turned to the professor with a shocked expression. 

"Time is over, Ji. Didn’t you study?" As the professor examined the exam paper she had taken, Changmin realized that the remaining five minutes had passed while he had been concentrating on his thoughts. 

"Yes, ma'am. I studied the whole week…" While Changmin looked at his professor with his lips pursed in sadness, his professor shook her head when she saw four empty questions.

She looked at him and sighed, eyes filled with pure disappointment. "Yes. It’s clearly showing, Changmin. Better luck next time." As Changmin looked up and watched the black heels slowly move away, he realized the potential grade he could get from the exam. He buried his palms in his face and began to stroke it stressfully. No matter how much he tried, no matter how much he studied, constantly reaching the same conclusion was really tiring for the young man. 

_Maybe I should study more,_ thought Changmin, even though he was always pushing his limits much more than his classmates. _Maybe… I should go to the library more frequently._ As his thoughts began to possess him once more, he pulled his hands away from his face and began to fix his mixed-up, brown hair. Slowly caressing and giving shape to his hair, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

"That was an exam! Oh boy, I thought I was choking for a second! How was yours?" Hearing the cheerful voice, Changmin realized that it was one of his close friends. Jacob was behind him, possessing a smile that is brighter than the sun, light brown hair, and a calming voice with a small accent revealing his foreign identity. 

While he was making his lips into a thin line and ruffling his hair once again out of stress, Changmin stood up with a sigh and turned to Jacob after throwing his pencil in his bag. Even though Changmin sees himself as a cheerful person, Jacob was someone who made the former look depressive. Sometimes Changmin feels sad, but he was sure that Jacob would never be capable of feeling gloomy.

"Well... Imagine a car crashing down a cliff. If the car was the test, then I was the driver." Changmin smiled and put his bag on his back while Jacob laughed at what he heard, throwing his arm over his friend's shoulder. Although what he said was actually a cause for concern, that was Changmin's way of expressing himself.

"We’re on the same page then! Anyways, you plan on eating anything? I’m starving, and Kevin found a Canadian-themed cafe. Wanna go grab some maple-syrup everything with me?" Jacob looked at his friend and outstretched his arms while smiling at Changmin as brightly as he could. But even his uplifting tone and cheerful manner couldn’t help his friend's appetite. Changmin slowly released the air out of his lungs and held onto his backpack’s straps. 

"I wish I could. But I’m not really feeling it today, Jacob-hyung… Maybe next time, hmm?"

"Oh. So you’re really in a bad mood then." As Jacob looked at him with his arms lowered and his head tilted, Changmin had no reaction other than a shrug. Although he wanted to spend time with his friend, it annoyed him that all the nights he studied were wasted.

"Yeah, sorry… But still, thanks for the offer. Let’s keep it for another time." 

"Okay, then. If you say so. See you next time!"

As Jacob started to walk back away, smiling at Changmin one last time, Changmin waved to his friend and then turned around slowly. He began to move forward without even knowing where he was going. As the feeling of dizziness in his body came back again, he began to think about the beautiful feeling he had felt in the morning: the feeling that this day might be a good one. But instead of that, the complete opposite happened. Nevertheless, he smiled like nothing was wrong. He continued down the hall to go to his next class and tried his best to ignore the anxiety that conquered his body. 

_It’s just an exam. You’re overreacting. Maybe it's an important one, but it’s not the end of the world._ While he continued walking down the hallway and pursing his lips at what he thought, he heard his phone ringing like there was no tomorrow and rolled his eyes. _Is it a sin to be a little lonely?_ The feeling of anxiety lifted only a little when he saw Chanhee's face on the screen as he took his phone out of his pocket. 

"Hey. How was your exam? I hope that staying up all those nights helped."

"Don't even ask. It was _so_ helpful that the professor wanted to recruit me as a lecturer since I clearly know her class so well.” As he entered the classroom for his new lesson, Changmin couldn't prevent the sarcasm and sadness in his voice. Chanhee straightened up in his chair, laughing at what his friend said.

"So it was _that_ bad. Don't worry, same here. I bombed it. My professor suggested dropping out." As he took a pen to his hand and began to twist it around in his fingers, Changmin could not help but laugh out loud, despite his sadness for what he heard.

"Why are we like this?" he asked in a giggly manner while leaning on his desk, beginning to look around. "I feel like we should be doing at least a little better." 

"If that was true, I’d be at SNU, Changmin. Anyway, I didn’t call to ask about the exam. Sunwoo called." 

_Oh God_ , Changmin thought. _What did he do this time?_

"And?"

"And he called for the bar tonight. I guess he’s having a bad day too. Said he ‘needs his homies.’ Guess he might have even been fired."

Not knowing whether he was upset or worried about what he heard, Changmin put his finger between his lips, like whenever he got stressed and began to gnaw on it. If there was one thing he worried about more than his exam and the outcome of his academic career, it was to imagine how livid Sunwoo would be at the end of a bad day. Although he knew his close friend for over 6 years and had countless memories with him, every time Sunwoo threw a temper tantrum was equally terrifying and tiring for Changmin.

"Hmm, I don’t think Sunwoo drank the herbal tea I got for him. It’s supposed to be good for keeping calm and stuff, y’know? Kind of like a sedation? I’ve got to keep my own safety in mind.” Changmin paused. “Unless… If you can bribe me with a strawberry milkshake, consider it done." Smiling at what he heard while sitting at his desk, staring at the new students entering the class, Chanhee rolled his eyes and began to look at his freshly manicured nails. Even though there was a bond between the three that had strengthened over the years, Chanhee was upset that Changmin implied such things in relation to Sunwoo.

Still, without expressing his discomfort, Chanhee continued to speak. "I know what will work even better,” he said in a knowing manner, and Changmin couldn't hold back his laughter.

''What?''

"A _vanilla_ milkshake."

_He’s right_ , Changmin thought. If there was one thing he couldn't resist, it would be a vanilla milkshake.

"Okay, consider me there."

"If you _didn't_ come, I’d be worried."

**10 p.m. // Tziah Bar**

They sat on the leather pub chair like they did almost every night, drinking their unique beverages of choice. Chanhee sipped on his sanguineous sangria, while Sunwoo downed his beer. Changmin, on the other hand, was doing exactly what was expected of him, and instead of letting alcohol take over his body like his friends, he was drinking his favorite vanilla milkshake with coconut syrup.

"And then he fired me because he got cheaper labor. Fucking son of a bitch. Look at this shit! I've been working for almost 3 years, and now he wants fresh meat just because he’ll save a little more. For him, it’s quantity over quality.''

With his voice rising, Sunwoo slammed his beer bottle onto the counter. He then shook his head and took a cigarette from his leather jacket's inner pocket as he sighed. After Sunwoo got booted from the bar he had worked at ever since his uncle got sent to prison, he was understandably bothered about his situation. But rather than being upset over his unemployment, he was more frustrated that his future was now murky and dark, compared to the clear stability of before. The fear of starting over from scratch was about to take over his body. From his high school life, which he spent studying with difficulty, to having to leave the only place he’d ever found stability: it had all deeply affected him.

"I don't know what I’m supposed to do now. I can’t suddenly go to school. I'm 23, damn it. I’d rather die than sit next to those annoying ass teenagers in class. Fuck..."

With a deep sigh, Sunwoo slowly brought the cigarette to his fleshy lips. Chanhee easily noticed the anxiety hiding behind his friend's anger as he handed Sunwoo a lighter from his pocket.

"C’mon, Sunwoo, it's not too late to start school."

"Yeah, it is. Stop talking about it."

Chanhee watched Sunwoo nervously as the latter lit the cigarette with Chanhee’s lighter. After letting out a slow exhale, he dipped his hand into his jet-black hair and began to watch the emptiness.

"I don’t get it, Sunwoo. It’s not all over just because you think it is,'' Chanhee mumbled.

Watching Sunwoo’s empty actions, Changmin could no longer endure his friend's sadness. Although he could not stand the cigarette smoke, Changmin leaned into his friend and wrapped his gentle arms tightly around Sunwoo’s muscular body. If there was one thing Changmin couldn’t bear in his life, it was definitely when his loved ones were upset.

"We understand you, Sunwoo-ssi. You’re just disoriented, and you’re so sure that your every effort will just result in failure. But it’s not like that. It's never too late." Looking to Sunwoo with a heartwarming smile, Changmin began to caress his face in his palms, trying to ignore the smoke that burned his throat.

"My little Sunwoo shouldn’t be upset! If he gets upset, I’ll force him to watch a horror movie all night and laugh at him while he pees himself!" As Changmin laughed and revealed his dimples, Sunwoo’s sadness faded just a little.

"I could totally punch your scrawny ass face right now."

''I know!''

While Changmin tried to pinch his friend’s cheeks, Sunwoo gently pushed his best friend away from him to take a large sip of his beer. He then threw his hair back and stared at his two friends for a while. Even though he rarely ever expressed his feelings, or rather had always been too afraid to even try, Sunwoo was grateful to his friends for standing by his side despite all the things they had gone through.

"Thanks for today, guys. I really needed this."

"For sure. We have our fair share of troubles too, you know. We both failed our exams," said Chanhee in a soft tone while taking a sip of his sangria.

"Yeah, you see how not being a college student saves you that stress?"

"It's not even that different from what you’ve got going on. The only difference is that one of us has still got a salary."

While Sunwoo raised an eyebrow at what Chanhee said, Changmin threw his head back with laughter, being able to muffle his giggles only with a sip of his milkshake.

"Whatever," said Sunwoo while taking another sip from his beer. He suddenly grimaced from sudden pain near his lower abdomen. "My bladder is going to burst. I’m going to take a piss. When I get back, let’s go to your place." He let out a small smirk before continuing. "Haven’t had a mouthful since morning, and I could definitely use Chanhee’s kimchi fried rice right now."

At what he heard from Sunwoo, Chanhee looked at his friend with a big smile on his face and nodded his head in approval while giggling. It made him very happy to hear that Sunwoo loved whatever he cooked.

"Sure thing, idiot. You know what, I’ll even add on some _bungeoppang_ too! I wouldn’t normally waste energy for you this late, but I’ll make an exception today. Since we’re all feeling like losers."

"I'm already hungry then." Sunwoo looked at Chanhee with slightly misty eyes and ruffled his soft blond hair, and then started to move towards the restroom.

While Chanhee was watching Sunwoo’s lean figure walk away, he slowly lowered his head to the table and began to play with his fingers. Even though the bond between them had just simply been "friendship," deep down in Chanhee, it was always something much more than that. For him, it always felt like a throbbing, aching love that once revealed could ruin their relationship entirely. But still, there was beauty in his feeling despite its sinful reputation.

Shaking his head and taking another sip from his drink, Chanhee raised his head to his friend next to him and looked at him while trying to hide his true thoughts. But instead of seeing his friend drinking his beloved vanilla milkshake, he saw a scene that he wished to not see. 

"I’ll ask you again, sweetie. You sure you don’t want to come over tonight? Don’t worry, I won’t bite." An older man with a terrifyingly predatory smile was approaching Changmin, who was frantically running his fingers through his hair. Changmin’s anxious, huge eyes gave shivers down Chanhee’s spine. Thinking about the possible end of this event had already started haunting both of them. 

"S-So-Sorry, I don’t really swing that way." It was the biggest lie Changmin ever said in his entire life. And the middle-aged man also perceived this inept attempt to lie.

"Oh, come on, baby boy. Someone as pretty as you definitely can’t be into women." As the man gradually reduced the distance between them, Chanhee stood up furiously and pushed the man’s shoulder, holding pure anger in his eyes. 

"Back off. He said no. You don’t know what you’re dealing with. Fuck off before things turn into a shitshow."

While Chanhee’s face reddened with anger, he gritted his teeth in frustration and worry. The man was much taller and bigger than the two. He only laughed at this sudden movement and got closer to the two of them. Things would get nasty if Chanhee wouldn’t be able to deal with the situation.

"Watch your mouth. I guess _you_ don’t know who you’re dealing with, hmm?" As the man slowly brought his grainy hand to Chanhee’s neck, harshly pressing his fingernails against his skin, Chanhee made a hoarse sound and hit the man's wrist against the back of his hand. But before he even proclaimed his disturbance once again, a swing out of nowhere hit the man’s face in a blink of an eye. And that moment, both of the young boys' fear and worries came true. 

"What the fuck is going on?" 

As Sunwoo's shout filled the entire bar, he took another punch to the man's face. The man stumbled back in pain and slowly raised his head to the boy who had assaulted him. While he was looking at the three of them with shock in his eyes, Chanhee and Changmin were trying their best to hold their best friend with their remaining power, holding his muscular body back. But even with Sunwoo’s angry grunts and shouts, the man smiled at them through his bloody face. 

"Look at that... I thought you beautiful boys were on your own. I didn’t think you brought a pet along. Might want to keep a leash on him. Pardon me." 

At these words, Sunwoo’s temper erupted like a volcano, and he flung aside his friends with all his power. He angrily approached the man, grabbed his shoulder, and swung his fist once again with much more passion than before.

"Are you asking to die today? I’ll grant your wish." 

As his shouts started to mix with the sounds of punching and groaning, the man responded to Sunwoo’s blows with his own. 

"Holy shit… We need to stop this, now," mumbled Chanhee while putting his hand to his mouth in astonishment, not knowing what to do. "Changmin, he’s going to hurt himself bad this time."

From watching the fight in terror, Changmin attempted to reach out to Sunwoo, his small yet desperate hand hoping to coax his friend out of the fight. But without even understanding what was happening, Changmin received a blow that he didn’t wish for. He lost his balance from the punch he received and collapsed to the ground, his temple colliding with the sharp bar table, leading to a wound deep enough to bleed. His whole world turned dark and dizzy. The shock of getting a punch from his friend and the hot liquid coming down from his nose and temple were all making his stomach sick, and his body trembled. 

"CHANGMIN! Fuck, Changmin!" 

After seeing his friend hit his head on the sharp corner, Chanhee shouted in pure fear and immediately ran to him, holding his fragile body while Sunwoo paused to look at the two in shock.

"Changmin! Crap, this is a lot of blood. Hey, can you hear me? Or see me? Answer me, are you alright?"

The shock and pain led Changmin to stare emptily in space, not being able to process anything around him.

"I-I don’t know… I don’t know." Grimacing from the pain in his temple, Changmin realized what happened to him and the cause behind it all. "Fuck…" 

"Okay. We need to take you to the hospital. With or without him." Chanhee quickly glanced at his friend with worry before lifting his head to turn to the preparator. Sunwoo stared back, looking at both of them with apparent grief and regret. His eyes looked empty and sad, his clothes, lip, and nose all covered in blood. He had been so caught up in his own sorrow and shame that he didn’t even notice the thick, growing bloodstain on the middle of his shirt. 

Before Chanhee could even recover from the shock of Changmin’s injury, his eyes widened upon noticing Sunwoo’s. He immediately straightened up while holding Changmin and looked in Sunwoo’s eyes with yet another new terror. "Well… I guess we have to go with you, Sunwoo."

Changmin, who started to cry from it all, lifted his head to see Chanhee’s anxious gaze and Sunwoo’s injury. It was all too much, and seeing his friends in this state hurt more than his head.

_This is the worst day ever._


	3. -ˏˋ3ˊˎ-

The sound of traffic and Sunwoo’s deep breaths were dominating the car as the three of them were on their way to the hospital. Raindrops were hitting the window, the reflections from red car lights making their way inside. The three of them barely spoke a word since they left the bar, and this was killing both Chanhee and Changmin to their cores. They knew that their friend did wrong, but his being quiet was much worse than when his anger exploded. That’s because whenever Sunwoo refused to speak a word, his brain would be filling up the empty noise with corrupted thoughts instead. The miserable feeling of remorse, the urge to punish himself for what he had done, was taking over his body, and they knew it. 

As Changmin slowly tidied himself up at where he sat, he gently grabbed his friend's hand on the steering wheel and looked at his eyes as upliftingly as he could. Although he was hurt and tired of the damage his friend caused, Changmin knew that Sunwoo didn't do it on purpose. The latter never had the best quality of life from a young age, didn’t know anything in the name of a real family, grew up with his problematic uncle, and now turned into someone as troubled as such influence.

"It’s okay, Sunwoo. It doesn’t hurt that much." This was another inept attempt to lie from Changmin, and Sunwoo could tell very easily. Sunwoo remained silent, then slowly turned the steering wheel to the left. Anything he could do other than keeping silent would end up badly for himself. In order to answer, he only sighed deeply. 

"Come on… Say something." Sunwoo still kept his silence but began to squeeze the wheel as his knuckles began to whiten. The pure anger towards himself kept rising, and every breath he took stung his lungs. He couldn’t believe how he had only hurt his friend in his ironic efforts to protect him. When even a harmless fly could damage Changmin’s delicate body, Sunwoo had gone all the way and punched his friend in the face without mercy. Sunwoo profoundly wished that the wound on his chest was deep enough to hurt him irreversibly.

"Leave him, Changmin. You know he won’t speak right now," whispered Chanhee while looking at both his friends. He knew Sunwoo was wrong. But, right now, telling him this would do nothing but make things worse. Slowly releasing a breath from his lungs and turning his head to Sunwoo, Chanhee held Sunwoo’s hand on the gear and looked into his eyes. Sunwoo deserved admonition but not to the point of hurting him. 

Looking into his friend’s sad eyes, Chanhee gently pulled Sunwoo’s black hair back from his face and slowly placed a small kiss on his cheek. "Don’t be so hard on yourself," Chanhee whispered while slowly caressing Sunwoo’s hand with his thumb. He knew that the only thing Sunwoo needed was affection. 

"Shut up," Sunwoo finally replied while stepping on the gas. He still wanted to hurt himself, but Chanhee’s simple words helped him a lot more than he expected. He felt a sharp twang of guilt in his chest. "We’re almost there." But as soon as Sunwoo finished talking, a sharp pain coming from his deep wound caused him to grimace his face. Although Sunwoo did not want to admit it, the pain hurt so bad that he was out of breath.

But he didn’t say anything. He was sure that he deserved a lot worse than the pain he was going through.

\---

As the sound of the keyboard taps filled the entire meeting room, Juyeon slowly raised his hand and grabbed his tie, untying it with his left hand. He needed some air even though he was all by himself in the large yet empty room. As he gently pulled his black tie by the end and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his white shirt, he gazed back at his laptop and started typing another email to his company’s shareholders. But just as soon as he began typing, he yawned before even reaching halfway through his message. 

"Jesus…" whispered Juyeon while taking his hand to his mouth to cover his yawn.  _ Has it really been that long of a day? _ he thought. But as he thought of his nightmares from the morning, nightmares that contained glimpses of his adolescent days, he started to feel it really  _ was  _ a long day. 

Shaking his head left and right and slowly massaging his temple, Juyeon sighed deeply as he closed his laptop. After only 2 hours of sleep and non-stop working for 14 hours, he already had enough of the day and only dreamed to crawl into bed in his comfy pajamas. Maybe a cup of coffee would be nice too. 

As he slowly got up from the table while clearing his throat and fixing his collar, Juyeon approached the glass wall to gather his thoughts for a bit.

A single question arose in his head as he watched people honking at each other on the road, struggling to reach their destination somewhere within the Seoul landscape that laid under his feet.  _ Why _ , he asked inwardly,  _ are people struggling so much just to reach some mundane destination?  _ But the irony laid in the fact that he was among such people that he criticized.  _ Why would a person without a real goal make such an effort to reach somewhere? _

With one hand in his pocket, the other leaning against the ice-cold window, Juyeon allowed his eyes to wander to the ring on his finger as he watched the lights of the city. As he glanced at the ring that had been glued to his finger for more than 2 years, a gloomy feeling that he was used to took over his entire body, as if his breath was stuck in his throat, like every morning. Although it symbolizes happiness for most, this piece of jewelry meant everything  _ but  _ happiness to Juyeon. All it did was to remind him of family pressure, his past running away, and sleepless nights.

"I need a cigarette," he said, looking away from the ring. "One cigarette, and if possible a long vacation." Shaking his head from side to side, sighing deeply one last time, he turned back as he slowly took his hand away from the cold window, and he left the room as he took his laptop from the table.

With each step he took towards his office, he began to rethink what memories he had between these walls. From graduating university to completing his military service, all the way to taking his seat on the many leather chairs within the company: these were all burdens he could not bear before he was even able to recover for himself. It all happened in the blink of an eye. Just yesterday he was getting the news that his brother had cancer, and now he was standing where his sibling should be, even though the latter is still alive.

At the end of the corridor which was decorated with plants and paintings, Juyeon slowly opened his office door and entered the room that he spent more time in than his own home. Again, with that feeling of suffocation, he put his hand around his neck, where he previously had his tie and began searching for it. Noticing that his tie was not in place, he rolled his eyes in absentmindedness, remembering that he had just removed it a few minutes ago. He had to get his head together.

"Calm down, Juyeon," he said to himself, setting his laptop down on the table. "You’re acting so scatterbrained right now."

Sighing deeply, looking again at his wristwatch, Juyeon realized that it was now late even for him. The hour hand was now closing onto 10, and for someone who only slept for two hours, it was time to end this difficult day. But even though he wanted to, he knew of the crucial fact that his sleep would be disturbed with the never-ending nightmares of his. 

He put his laptop in his bag, put on his black Valentino jacket, and buttoned up his shirt that he unbuttoned a few minutes ago. He was surprised when his phone suddenly rang. Usually, at this time either Saena, his future wife, or Younghoon would call him. But it was neither. It was his mother. Why did she call him at such an hour?

"What the hell?" Surprised, he picked up the phone and his mother started talking before he even had the opportunity to speak. Her anxious tone ran shivers down his spine.

"Juyeon! You need to come to the hospital as soon as possible. God, you won’t believe what's going on." At hearing his mother’s troubled voice, he held onto the table with his knees knocked together and began to watch the emptiness as he always does whenever he’s in a stressful condition. 

"What happened? Are you alright? Did something happen to Wonwoo?" Juyeon finally asked.

"No... No, my goodness. Hyunjae had an accident and is now going to the hospital."

His world was once again destroyed from what he heard from his mother. As that familiar sensation recaptured every cell of his entire body, he put his hand to his heart, slowly squeezed his white shirt, and closed his eyes for a minute to calm himself down. Feeling pure fear and anxiety in his veins once again, he returned to the day he did not want to remember in his past while choking on his breath. Was he having another nightmare?

"W-What?" He couldn't say anything else. He closed his eyes and began to lose his balance as he was preparing himself for a sentence that he expected to hear from his mother. His whole world came crashing down around him.

"Is he… He's alive?" That was all he could ask. And fortunately, he got the answer he had so desperately wished to hear.

"He's alive. Thank God. His mother called us, but she was crying. We're going there with your brother now. " 

"Okay... Okay, I'm coming right now." And he hung up the phone with his shaking hand.

He dipped his fingers in his charcoal hair, and while looking at the location his mother had sent, he began to move quickly to the parking lot. Having this familiar feeling again made him nauseous.  _ Am I in a nightmare?  _ Juyeon thought once again while opening his car door and getting inside.  _ This isn’t real, right? Will I wake up soon?  _ Though he started his car and stepped on the gas, all sorts of thoughts still maintained their positions, leading him into a miserable condition. Even the thought of something happening to his best friend curdles his blood. Hearing that Hyunjae had an accident literally stopped his breath

"He’s fine." He repeated this to himself as he turned the steering wheel to his left and stepped on the gas with all of his power. "Please, be fine."

While contradicting himself, he continued to accelerate towards the hospital, and even in such a situation, he was angry with every mile he drove because he couldn't cry. He had programmed himself to stand callously in every situation. He gave his entire life to be insensitive. Wouldn’t it be normal for him to not cry when something this bad happened to one of his best friends? 

_ It isn’t, _ Juyeon thought while grinding his teeth.  _ And it will never be. _

After parking his car in the hospital's parking lot, he began to search for a familiar face as he entered the emergency waiting room. With his heart beating and his hands tingling with fear, apprehension had taken over his whole body. Dozens of memories rushed into his mind again as that familiar smell of the hospital hit his nose. Sorrow, anxiety, and sadness were all contained within that smell. He heard a voice calling out to him as he shook his head.

"Juyeon!" At hearing the familiar sound from a patient room in the hallway, he turned his head to the source of the voice and saw his mother running towards him. Immediately wrapping his arms around his mother's body, she continued her crying while hugging her son. Not only had Juyeon's friend been hurt, but also something had happened to the man Ms. Lee considered her own son. While stroking his mother’s hair to calm her down, he slowly pulled back his body and looked into her eyes, and then spoke.

"Where is he? How is he? What happened?" While Juyeon asked questions non-stop with awaiting eyes, the pair walked into the room. His mother gave a slight smile to her son and slowly stroked his black hair back. She could easily notice her son’s anxiety. 

"Luckily, he’s doing much better now. There’s nothing to worry about. He only has a small wound on his temple as of right now. Just in case, they took him for a CAT scan." 

After hearing the answer that Juyeon’s mother gave to him, the disastrous feeling in Juyeon eventually disappeared. Then he withdrew from his mother when he saw his friend waiting for his turn on the hospital bed behind her.

As Juyeon approached Hyunjae with quick strides, each step brought about a glimpse of his past. Comforting his crying mother at a young age, holding his brother's hand to ease his pain, and looking for someone to hold his  _ own  _ hand even when he knew it wouldn’t happen: it was as if he had gone back in time. But this time he wasn't afraid for his brother but for his friend.

Why was he afraid even though he knew Hyunjae was alive? He was there. Only his face was covered in blood. But he was there. He was alive. As Juyeon immediately hugged his best friend, Hyunjae lifted his head off the pillow covered with his blood and smiled softly to his overly worried friend.

"Easy. I’m fine. Don’t worry!" he said, patting Juyeon’s broad shoulder. But he then moaned with pain. The sharp pain from his scar was aching his head.

"How did this happen?" 

"I lost control of the steering wheel. And then before I could get it together, I suddenly hit the truck in front of me. Luckily I’m the only one that came out of it injured."

Looking at Juyeon with a slight smile, Hyunjae still laughed when he saw that the worry on his friend's face hesitated to leave. But, of course, as soon as he laughed, he started coughing from his ribs sinking into his lungs, and Juyeon’s mother rushed forward anxiously.

"Hyunjae!"

"I’m... Fine. Jesus, my rib hurts a lot."

Juyeon grimaced at seeing his friend's pain and sighed deeply, then threw his arm to his mother’s shoulder and began to caress it to ease her apprehension.

Soon, Juyeon’s brother arrived at the scene. Juyeon immediately turned to his sibling and slowly placed his arm to his waist to hold his body. Wonwoo was just like him. Jet-black hair, sharp eyes, and prominent facial features; the only difference was their age and the disappearance of a quarter of his older brother's intestine.

"Wouldn't it be better for you to stay at home? You're obviously tired."

"I'm not tired, Juyeon. I'm just a little out of breath, that’s all. Besides, Mingyu hasn't come back from work yet. So when he gets here, I'll be able to get myself together a little more."

Juyeon just smiled while looking at his brother's face, not knowing how to react to hearing that name. Mingyu: his brother’s fiancee. In a country like Korea, the idea alone brought about disaster from a conservative man like their father. Yet it was not an idea but reality. When Juyeon’s older brother came out to his father, everything ended in disaster in just a few moments. A slap in the face to Wonwoo, Juyeon trying to stop his father, then his father beating Wonwoo like no tomorrow. And just when it couldn't get worse, the unexpected news of cancer came about. Why did such a happy couple have to suffer such cruelty? What could happen if they were just allowed their happy life, hiding away in their apartment? What was that to whom?

"Well, if you say so." Juyeon smiled sincerely at his brother and shook his head in a positive way. Despite everything that had happened to them, it was relieving to see Wonwoo happy at the end.

As he turned away and looked at his friend again, everyone immediately straightened up when the doctor arrived. The doctor looked at Hyunjae's family when his turn came while holding his hospital bed. Even though Hyunjae seemed fine to everyone, the doctor’s face wasn’t as uplifting as his. His eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"It could take an estimated half-hour. As I said again, there is nothing to worry about."

As the doctor slowly began to take him away, Hyunjae looked at his parents as he straightened up with difficulty, and despite his pain, he smiled and forcibly waved his hand.

"See you guys later!"

With his friend being taken to the CAT scan, Juyeon could hardly feel his legs as he let out his breath. _ I need to sit _ , he thought.  _ I have to sit or I’ll collapse here.  _ He pulled his arms out from his mother and brother. He went out of the room into the waiting area to throw himself on a seat, put his head back, and try to pull himself together a little bit. Starting this day with his nightmares already made it a tough day for Juyeon, even by his standards. And dealing with everything with only 2 hours of sleep was aching his head.

He closed his eyes, struggling to calm his heartbeat. Suddenly, he straightened up uncomfortably to the sound of his phone. It was his friend Younghoon texting him about the situation since he was out of town for a photo shoot. He had sent almost 30 texts and called 10 times. Naturally, Younghoon wanted to know about his friend’s situation. But Juyeon could not find the strength in himself to tell Younghoon what was happening right now. He sighed deeply and sent a quick text to Wonwoo:  **Let Younghoon know about Hyunjae’s situation.**

Just as Juyeon muted his phone and closed his eyes to rest for a bit, a brand new voice interrupted him. The sobbing wasn’t coming from a kid, but from an adult-like figure near Juyeon. As Juyeon tiredly opened his eyes, the unfamiliar smell of powder finding its way to his nose, he saw someone he did not know sitting next to him. As the stranger gnawed at his fingernails and watched the emptiness with teary eyes, showcasing an anxious expression, Juyeon slowly straightened up his body and began to look at him.  _ Why is he crying? _ he thought while analyzing every inch of the young man.  _ You’re in a hospital, Juyeon. Anything can happen,  _ he reminded himself. 

Just as Juyeon was getting ready to skid to another seat so that he would not be disturbed, he suddenly noticed bloodstains on the gray hoodie of the man next to him. When Juyeon brought his gaze to the man’s face, he saw dried blood on his nose, on his lips, and even on his temple that was still bleeding.

_ Too much blood today, _ Juyeon thought as he examined the man next to him.

The man he did not know had pulled his finger between his lips, unknowingly starting to hold his own hand with his other. He started to pull on his skin with his nails, slowly skinning his hand. Juyeon watched the man's hand for a while as his past was coming back to his eyes again.

This nervous movement reminded Juyeon of his past days, maybe even nowadays. The hours in front of the operating room, the days in the psychiatric room: it all came to his eyes one by one, and he did something he shouldn't have done. But it was something that came from within. 

Juyeon grasped the wrist of the young man he did not know, gently pulled the hand away, slowly meeting the stranger’s gaze with his own. Both of them were frozen when their eyes met. They were only looking at each other without saying anything but perhaps saying much more with their eyes.

_ What am I doing? _ Juyeon thought.  _ Why did I touch a stranger? _

For a while, Juyeon began to examine the man whose name he did not even know while staring at him without saying anything. He had skin that looked like cotton, brown hair that fell delicately in front of his dark brown eyes, and a tiny nose. He was like someone out of a fairy tale. A bloody fairy tale.

"Don't worry," Juyeon slowly said. "There's nothing to worry about."

The young man, on the other hand, was looking at the man in front of him with big eyes in a confused manner. His gaze was constantly on Juyeon’s face, helping him to forget a little bit of his anxiety.

"How can you be so sure?" asked the young man while looking at him.

"Just trust me," replied Juyeon with a slight smile. 

And for his answer, Changmin smiled back at Juyeon. 


End file.
